UPDATE: IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE WHOLE DEAL FOR YOURSELF, MPC USER “PROFESSIONAL BOOB WASHER” HAS COMPILED IT HERE.
In what drama experts are calling “totally unprecedented” Mike Anissimov’s impotent ragestorm has entered it’s third day of incessant internet insanity. Having thorougly made an ass out of himself going after SOBL1, Anissimov has since turned his sights to new targets. The first target is Julie Borowski, a Polish-American girl who makes political youtube videos. Mike, in a fit of hysteria, considered her to be his pure white waifu. He proceeded to spam her twitter with marraige proposals, dating requests, death threats to her current boyfriend, and a desire to cuddle up and play Sonic 3 with her.
There are a number of things that can be deduced from this. First off, Borowski is an active libertarian. So we can clearly guess that Anissimov isn’t quite the traditionalist that he says he is. Second, and more importantly, Mike explicitly said Sonic 3. In the day and age of emulation or eBay, there really is no reason to be playing Sonic 3 when the superior Sonic 3 and Knuckles is easily available. So we now know for a fact that since Mike thinks Sonic 3 is better than S3&K, he does not actually have autism. Thus, if Mike doesn’t have autism, we must instead conclude that instead he’s just a fucking idiot.
Mike’s rage didn’t stop there, however. Noted twitter thirst-trap “Tipsycaek” reached out to Mike, offering to stroke his golden locks of hair. Anissimov, however, rejected her, and later dismissed her as a common whore. TRD officials researched this Tipsycaek character and were disappointed to discover that she does not in fact possess a penis. However, this revelation combined with her whiteness (natural blond hair and blue eyes!) very much shows that she’s not Mike’s kind of girl. Until Bad Dragon makes strap-on products, we can most likely confirm that there will not be any chemistry between the two.
Of course, Tipsycaek’s friend, twitter user and noted AC repairman/quality NRx poster “KawaiiKraken” happened to comment that Mike looks like the bassist for a 90’s alt-rock band. Clearly, this was an insult of the highest degree- Mike obviously fashions himself as a lead singer, or at least a guitarist. (Editor’s note- if evidence can be found of Anissimov being in a band, I’m sure Chuck C. Johnson will pay for a demo or mixtape or whatever.) Incensed beyond relief, Mikey went on the warpath, making several graphic threats to murder KawaiiKraken for the crime of insulting his honor. The sheer nonsensical verbosity of the threats informs us that Mike has most likely never been in a fight in his entire life, much less one where he had to kill a man.
As Mike’s rage burned bright, our Holy Duck Overlord stepped in, pointing out that Mike was acting like an absolute lunatic and took some potshots at his shattered sanity. Mike’s response was to claim that he was the leader of NRx and could easily drive Duck off of twitter. At this point it would be pertient to remind everyone that Duck is the spiritual leader of Neoreaction, with Nick B. Steves as our current regent. Anissimov has been formally decried and excommunicated from Neoreaction for being a huge cunt that nobody likes. TRD experts are not sure what he’s smoking to think that he somehow has the power to end someone’s twitter career. TRD experts are also quite interested in how many mexican dicks he had to suck to get so many doses.
Of course, as all of this drama went on, it wasn’t long before the Grand High Dragon Wizard of Drama, Andrew “weev” Aurenheimer. Never one to pass on someone whose power level wasn’t at least 1488, weev took to storify (a remarkably pozzed medium, all things considered) to slap Anissimov across the face with his big white hyperborean cock in a display of masculine superiority that Justine Tunney and most of /aristoi/ will undoubtedly be furiously masturbating to later tonight. To rub salt in the wound, weev proceeded to post Mike’s address and phone number on the MPC shoutbox and 8chan’s /cow/. Using seven proxies, TRD researchers had found that this information had also spread to /baphomet/. While this may lead people to believe that Anissimov would be swatted, his current twitter posts leave plenty of reason to call the police. Using Anissimov’s dox, a crack team of google users quickly discovered a photograph of his humble abode. The house would be described by real estate experts as a “fucking dump”.
When asked via ask.fm about the doxing, former Neoreactionary and noted weaboo AntiDem questioned weev’s right-wing credentials. TRD staff has hired a crack team of #GamerGate private eyes who have confirmed that yes, Anissimov and AntiDem are good friends IRL. Also of note is twitter user “TheBechtloff” reaching out to Anissimov and encouraging him to apologize. Anissimov’s response amounted to dismissal. Bechtloff is an associate of Davis Aurini and a writer for “Reaxxion”, a #GamerGate cash-in site run by notorious pseudo-reactionary Roosh Vashamalayanstein. TRD’s mental health experts have determined that Mike rejecting Bechtloff’s helping hand is a sign that he still possesses SOME mental faculties, such as self-respect. Roosh himself has also commented on the meltdown, but reporters are still scouring the globe looking for anyone of note who gives a fuck what Roosh thinks.
Anissimov has yet to be directly reached for comment, due to blocking TRD officials on twitter, and Pleasureman failing to properly take them out of chaperone mode on MPC before Anissimov could leave the shoutbox. His last known comment there consisted of him saying he’d be going to get a shower, not responding to allegations that it was of the golden variety.